Lex's Journal Pages
SPOILERS AHEAD: IF YOU HAVE NOT READ *TARGET* YOU MAY WANT TO AVOID THIS PAGE
This is something I've been meaning to put up somewhere for a long time, and I'm finally getting to it!
So Lex's journal pages were never intended to be completely readable. In my head he has terrible handwriting, so I asked my husband to make it as chicken-scratchy as possible. However, this has led to a bunch of people asking, "But what does it actually say?"
To those people, this page is for you. I will say that I don't currently have the ability to do strikethrough text on this site, so what I'm doing instead is putting dashes around things he has scratched out. -Like-this-. I hope that makes sense. Of course if you still have questions I'm easily contactable via the email on the Contact page, or any of my social media channels. Enjoy!
Journal Page #1
-be mindful of the priests
-never yell (except when it's ok?)
-problems--send for Father
-I should get a cat. A big fluffy one.
-or maybe a bird
-carrier hawks are nice
-Father is doing my training for me
-sword practice this afternoon
-library after that
-dinner after that with Mother and Father
-Midsummer Festival in three weeks
-what does Growth magic feel like?
-food and water (Enzi)
-need a rope
A stupid someone who will remain unnamed tried to get me alone today. She asked for a private word, for me to meet her in an alcove off the main hall. I told her no. She's one I've talked with many times and I honestly don't even care anymore what she thinks of me. I mean I care about her as I would any citizen, but no, I'm not going to follow you anywhere just because you pout your lips at me. Does that actually work on some men? Seems like a horrible inconvenience to me...
I hate the way their eyes trail me
As though I'm something -bad- wrong to see.
Then why they -try-to- go and play pretend
As though we've always been close friends
No, those I -always- only have a few,
And trust when I say -- they're not you.
Journal Page #2
Sunshine gleams through the -leaves- boughs above
the -trees- leaves shimmer like gold.
Forests of peace -make-me-feel-still
I am no more than a -speck- -bug- mote
How is the sky so blue
It goes on forever
Eyes like -swords- daggers
Pierce my -center- -heart- core
I am only (scratch)
That's stupid, Lex
why is blood so dark?
the land is far
than I ever knew
How the sun sets
Turning blue to pink
To orange to black
I see the sunlight
Shimmer like gold
The boughs above
Gleam bright and bold
A land far wilder
Than I knew
Glows bright with stars
In a dark so blue
Then with one stroke
I seal my fate
A life is gone
Remorse too late
Journal Page #3
Focused. Calm. Always -watching- observing.
Listening. Watching. Cool under -fire- stress.
She is the pale white of a flowering petal,
the edge of a blade when danger is near.
She is the darkness of seekers and hope
the confidence of a lioness feeding her brood.
She is in the trees, the wind,
the sound of a whetstone on steel.
-She-is- The brightness of a flame
with none of the fear
A spark in the night
A brushed-away tear
She is bravery, grace, a note on a scale
A bolt of lightning, a feather on the breeze
She cannot be contained in a single word
She is more, all in all.
She is real.
Journal Page #4
The darkness is oppressive sometimes. And not just the trees or the night... the stars are like (scratch out) tiny rays of hope in an otherwise desolate blackness. The branches above me shelter the wind, but at least I have company to keep me safe.
Does Valio know how much Robyn heard of his plans? He mentioned poison, but that could take months, and he plans on having an army at the capital in one month... that means we only have that long to get there. Seven days to Nick's house, and three weeks north with Angelina's forces,
Troops are so slow!
Maybe Robyn and I can move faster?
What I wouldn't give for a carrier hawk!
Will Valio change his plan though? Now that Robyn got away? What if he gets his forces there earlier? We might not stand a chance... how much time do we really have?
Journal Page #5
Why can't I think when she's around? Was it the wine? I only had one mucking glass!...didn't I?
Or was it two? I don't think I said anything Toooo stupid... did I?
God... her eyes are like stars.
That's mucking cliché is what it is...
But it's true, anyone would say it, not just me.
I wonder if her hair is as soft as it looks...
Lands, I might never know after tonight.
I'm such an idiot!
I was fifteen, eligible to marry in three months. I was being courted by a young man named Markus. He was handsome and kind, a friend of my brother's. I wouldn't say I had a grand connection to him, but I was content to marry him if he asked. One day, I came home to see a fine warhorse outside my home. I could hear shouting, and when my name was mentioned, I hid by a window to listen. My parents had received a proposal from the lord of our land to take me as his mistress. His wife had recently passed away, and I had heard of him taking mistresses before. While it wasn't the marriage I'd always dreamed of, it was an opportunity few girls would get. I expected my parents to accept, but they did not. I didn't ask them about it, but sat confused as I watched the messenger ride away. A few days later, I was washing clothes in the stream nearby, when the High Lord himself approached me. He was respectful, very much a gentleman. He flattered me. I remember blushing, smiling; feeling, for the first time, a heat rise in my body. He made me feel like a grown woman. I see now how manipulative he was, tugging on the emotions of an impressionable young girl. I was too inexperienced to understand what was happening. I stopped seeing Markus, stopped spending time with my best friends. My brother worried about me. I told him I was fine. I thought I was. I tried to be in predictable places so that I could see the high lord. It wasn't long before I let him kiss me. How sweet it felt, though it sickens me now. When my sixteenth birthday came, I was ready to be with him. He asked me to come live at his palace, I told him I would send him my answer the next day. I went home and told my parents I wanted to accept. They were terrified. They finally explained to me why they'd refused in the first place. He is dangerous, they said. He gets a thrill from hurting others. His mistresses receive the worst of it... I can't write more, it makes me ill to think of it. I couldn't reconcile the man they spoke of with the man who had lured me in. Soon, however, they convinced me. We sent my refusal the next morning. I didn't see him all that day, and went to sleep thinking he'd forgotten about me and moved on. How wrong I was. I woke in the night to my mothers screams. She shouted for me to run, to get away. Then her voice cut off. Ravin shoved my bow and quiver into my hands and told me to leave through the window. I tried, but a man entered before I could get out. "My master summons you," he said. Ravin tried to fight him, but the man grabbed me. My cheek was scratched in the chaos, but the most vivid memory I have is of snatching an arrow from the quiver I held and slamming the point into the man's eye.