Testing Out My Focus Word
January 2019 has been a whirlwind, guys.
Between December 28th and February 2nd, we went from settled and happy and planning the coming year, to having our roots ripped up and being forced to make a huge shift.
Our landlord gave us six weeks to move out of our apartment. I won’t go into his reasons, he was within his legal rights to do so. I have opinions about the situation but what matters is what happened.
Friends and family contributed to support us. Our cousins—who are real estate agents—got us approved to buy a home within a day. We found a home that fit our needs on January 11th, and our offer was approved on January 14th. We closed on the him January 31st, and we’re fully moved in (and out of our old house) on February 2nd, a whole week earlier than our deadline.
As I spend my days slowly unpacking and trying to wind down from the stress of the last five weeks, I find myself crying a lot, even though the uncertainty has passed. I feel gratitude and relief, I feel overwhelmed and loved.
And in the middle of all that, someone (I still don’t know who) donated a full registration for me to attend Storymakers writing conference. I didn’t ask for that, in fact I’d resigned myself to not going. But the generosity of the amazing people in my life continues to astound me.
All that said, it’s been months since I’ve written any new words, and the writerly part of my brain is screaming to be used.
The dilemma of wanting to write and not having enough mental space to do it is a real thing. There was a lot of waiting to do in the last month, a lot of sitting and staring at my phone as I waited for an email or a text message response to a question…but I was so stressed that I couldn’t bring myself to write during any of those times. Even when the house went quiet at the end of each day, I couldn’t hold a story in my head long enough to put down words. The stress was too much.
Now that we’re moved in and getting settled though, my creative brain is getting louder. Some people will say I shouldn’t push myself, and maybe they’re right. But I’m so anxious and eager to create. I’ve tried the last couple of days to draft something new, but I’m so out of the habit that it’s been difficult. I need to force myself to write words, any words, every day. Gotta start with something simple.
I saw someone the other day suggest writing a paragraph on why I want to write, or why I’m finding it difficult. I guess that’s partly why I wanted to write this blog post. These are my thoughts. It’s what’s been running through my head for a few days, and it’s also words I can count. It may not be story words, but it’s a place to start. Hopefully tomorrow, I can do more. Maybe I’ll try a writing prompt or a short story idea or something.
Here’s to stability, persistence, and writing a little bit as often as I can.